Anatomy of a Journey Home

Monday, 22 December – Florence to Frankfurt
5:00 (22:00 Sunday CST) – Throw cell phone across the room when alarm goes off
5:01 – Remember I don’t live alone and probably woke the others up with cell phone.
5:45 – Finally throw away moldy tomato sauce
6:30 – Take taxi to Florence airport
6:59 – Arrive at Florence airport 1 hr before ticket desks open
7:15 – Turn in documents to la Polizia dello Stato.  Most flawless and polite use of Italian to date. Score one for Emily.
7:30 – Start panicking when other flights get diverted to Bologna
11:15 – Leave Florence 1.5 late because of FOG
13:15 – Run frantically through Frankfurt airport looking for the flight to Chicago I missed by a half an hour that ended up being cancelled.
13:42 – Go through passport control for the fourth time
14:00 – Finally find United ticket agent
15:00 – Take shuttle to schwanky airport hotel
15:15 – Fall asleep to CNN World News
19:00 – Enjoy a glass of red wine, pumpkin soup and a classic fried German dessert. Thank you United Airlines
19:15 – Start Twilight. I thought this series was supposed to have some substance
22:30 – Fall asleep again. Final thought: Germans are so much more organized than Italians.

Tuesday, 23 December – Frankfurt to Chicago
4:30 – Wake up call. Unfortunately, this time phone is attached to wall.
6:00 – Learn the life stories of everyone on today’s flight that were supposed to be on yesterday’s.  Seriously people, sharing isn’t always caring.
6:40 – Very kind security pat down that takes the woman 20 min to realize I’m not German.
7:10 – Drink last shot of espresso Italian style and indulge in one last Aqua Panna.
7:25 – Board flight
8:45 – Learn from very nice air force pilot sitting next to me that airline oxygen masks are great hangover cures. File away for future reference.
9:00 – Go back in time
5:45 CST – Mega turbulence over UK. Geez Brown, what’d you do now?
10:50 – Arrive in Chicago to no visibility and lots of cheers
11:15 – Customs unleashes little beagle to sniff everyone’s bags for fruit. Finds five apples and one jar of jam. Success.
11:45 – Exit customs. See two Starbucks, truckers caps, 4 dozen people over 200 lbs, and only signs in English. Get effectively bitchslapped by America.
14:00 – Make all necessary phone calls to catch up on friends’ and family gossip.
14:15 – Finish first Starbucks venti Americano. Contemplate buying a junky Chicago sweatshirt because my blazer definitely needs dry cleaning.
15:00 – Eat Wolfgang Puck pizza on floor. Suddenly miss real tomato sauce.
15:30 – Dad snags day pass for me for NW Travel Club
16:15 – Could swear I’m still moving.
16:36 – Highly doubt I will see the inside of another plane today.
17:20 – Incessantly refresh United Flight Status updates webpage. New flight already delayed 3 hrs.
17:25 – Sign up for United Flight Status text alerts. Snazzy.
18:05 – Mmmm. Carrots.
18:22 – Obligatory call to Grandma to prove that I am not lying out in the snow in Norway somewhere.
18:35 – Oooh, he’s cute.
18:50 – Another flight to Sioux Falls cancelled. Suddenly glad to have decided not to crash stand by lists.
19:15 – Flight time moved up. Go to gate.
20:00 – Make friends with people around me.
20:05 – Realize new friends secretly hate me because I actually have a seat and they’re on standby. Wish I could feel guilty.
20:30 – Delay
21:00 – Delay
21:25 – Delay
22:00 – Delay
23:00 – Delay
23:15 – Boarding!
23:16 – False alarm.
23:25 – Boarding for real this time.

Wednesday, 24 December – Chicago to Sioux Falls
0:24 – Take off.
1:00 – Refuse free alcohol because I really have to pee.
2:00 – Arrive in Sioux Falls. Wish I could say the same for my luggage.
2:55 – First shower with soft water in 4 mos.
3:30 – Red wine and chips and dip. The perfect pairing.
4:00 – Sleep.

Summary: 52+ hrs of travel, one hotel stay, one Starbucks, one bitchslap, two missing suitcases, two wake up calls, one travel lounge, one bad pizza, delays, delays, delays, delays and an average of one flight per day.

Buon Natale tutti!