For quite awhile, I have been aware of the fact that, when I make decisions, here’s my rule of thumb: I would rather do what you want before we do what I want. Sometimes that makes me seem indecisive, but, in fact, that’s simply not true. I don’t mean to play the martyr here, but that’s how it is. It means I have your interests at heart; take that as a compliment.
This morning, as I was trying to ignore the fact that my tea tasted like coffee, I came to another realization about my decision making process. I realize that that, when I do make a decision, (i.e. when I decide to put what I want ahead of what others want), I proceed in this order:
1) I decide whether or not what I’m considering is right/wrong/rational/reasonable, etc.
2) I decide whether or not what I’m considering falls within accepted norms of social decorum, timing, etc.
3) I decide how the action will reflect upon me.
I guess it’s a twisted form of cost-benefit analysis. And, where I typically get caught, is Step Two. I have something useful to say in a class discussion, but is now the right time to say it? I want to find out more about a job, but is this the right way to do it? I want to challenge accepted ideas of style and taste, but is here really the place to do it? Questions like these are frequently what keep me from acting. You could critique, analyze this all you want, but this is how my mind works.
Either way you interpret this, the important part is that I don’t want to get hung up in Step Two. I feel as though, after spending all these years paying acute attention to social cues and etiquette, I have a good grasp on them. Thus, I want to work on shifting my decision making paradigm a little, more towards Step One. If I have something valuable to contribute to a situation, why not just do it?
