Why do I love Thanksgiving so much? Maybe it has to do with the fact that you get a break from school and chill with a bunch of people and just eat, drink and have a good time. There’s really no gift exchange obligation involved. There’s inevitably leftovers and shopping. Movies are watched and sleep is caught up on. Sure, I feel slightly guilty that my parents had to celebrate alone while I’m here in Boston. I do wish they were here. Or even that I was there. But still, Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving. I guess I just made up my mind I was going to enjoy it wherever it was this year. And Boston’s been good.

Except, I realized I have no rage. Is that odd? I mean, sure, I throw highlighters at the TV when President Bush or Governor Rounds speaks. But I never really get mad. I get frustrated when the internet is slow. I get irritated when College Republicans take advantage of my hand extended in friendship. I get ticked when my roommate turns on the overhead light or doesn’t let me listen to music while working. But still, it never lasts for more than a moment. I don’t actually get angry. I worry, I get nervous, I get paranoid, I overthink, and I apologize. Does this make me a better person or am I missing out? Would holidays like Thanksgiving mean more to me somehow? Would I write better? I watched Running with Scissors last night and Annette Benning at one point said, “Put the rage on the page, women.” I thought, “What a fantastic idea.” Except, then I realized I had no rage. Angst that it seems like a lot isn’t working out for me this semester, yes. Rage, no, because this semester’s actually still been really great. Frustration that I am in a perpetual state of singlehood, yes. Rage, no, because I’m generally oblivious. I don’t get it.

I think I should work out more.

Anyway….Happy Thanksgiving!

PS: Have you seen the latest polls? Obama is closing in. I’m excited. Are you excited?

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Don’t read into it; just go with it.

Movies my life is:
- When Harry Met Sally
- Meet the Parents
- 10 Things I Hate about You
- Sideways
- Wizard of Oz
- The Grinch

Movies my life will be:
My Best Friend’s Wedding -
The Station Agent -
Anger Management -
Never Been Kissed -
Sixteen Candles -

Movies my life should be:
- Cinderella
- Dirty Dancing
- Gross Pointe Blank
- Ocean’s 11
- Lucky Number Slevin
- Independence Day
- Catch Me if You Can
- Return of the King

If I had been diligently changing my Facebook status updates for the past few days/weeks, etc., they would look something like this. E is:

happy
sad
excited
stressed
anxious
rooting for Obama
swamped
overloaded
loving classes
in love with Octavian of Rome
daily becoming more proficient in Italian
losing her sanity
embracing change
irritated
disappointed
angry
ready to be alone
ready to stop being single
ready for a boyfriend
amazed by her friends
appreciative of her roommate
becoming addicted to coffee
mistaken
lonely
hyper
addicted to Snood
growing
changing
wondering if she should get a new pair of shoes
ready to redecorate her dorm room
for once excited about snow
moving on
forgetting about the news
ready for a girls night
wanting to go out
ready to look like a girl
no longer writing
no longer reading for fun
not watching movies anymore
missing Shakespeare
wanting to go to India
excited about her new job
excited for Scotland
super excited for orchestra
thinking she needs to practice more
bummed she’s going to miss the Oscars
wondering if she should feel guilty
in the right major
feeling ridiculously self conscious
not laughing as much
tired of making decisions
religiously reading horoscopes
ready to move on
not wanting to move on
enjoying the new hair cut

MOST IMPORTANTLY:

hanging in there

So, I have to write an abortion paper for my philosophy class.  That’s all good and everything except that I can’t write a paper about abortion without referencing SD.  But, since I’m writing an academic paper about it, I had to go back and find sources to back up all the little tid-bits of information I gathered while on the campaign.  That meant reading the Abortion Task Force Report.  Biggest mistake I’ve made in a long time.  I forgot how blatantly pro-life that thing was.  OMG.  It’s a good thing I was alone in my room while I read it because I’m pretty sure I was dangerous for about a two hour time span.

Anyway…I finally finished the paper and only have one left to do, which doesn’t sound so bad, except that my professor told me that he liked my topic but that he wouldn’t be comfortable writing about it.  Great.  Apparently, I can afford to take the risk, but the idea of spending hours everyday in the library on one paper just isn’t a very tasty idea right now.

My econ midterm was originally scheduled for the 19th, but my professor changed it last week to all self-scheduled, meaning I can take it any time starting tomorrow.  Great.  Because I totally didn’t have airline tickets booked for the 20th or anything.  My friend from Nebraska leaves for home on Tuesday and my roommate leaves for Singapore on Wednesday.  Everyone else leaves the 15th or 16th.  It’ll be weird to be one of the few people left on campus.  Strangely enough, I’m actually maybe kind of sort of looking forward to next weekend.

On a completely unrelated note, if you ever need a feel good movie, watch Love Actually.  And sidewalks are totally so much more fun when they’re covered in multiple layers of ice and your campus is too environmentally sensitive to do anything about it.

(I’m in a much better mood than this post makes me sound).

I had forgotten what it was like to sleep for twelve hours.
I had forgotten what it was like to channel surf.
I had forgotten what it was like to watch crappy movies back to back.
I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy watching crappy movies.
I had forgotten what it was like to be allergic to cats.
I had forgotten what it was like to be the only person in a room.
I had forgotten what it was like to use a clean shower.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to bed before midnight.
I had forgotten what it was like to have all those things that were worth giving up for college, for meeting meeting new people, for having the time of my life.
That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them while I have them, though!

Too bad I couldn’t forget my philosophy paper.

I love Thanksgiving!

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This may sound kind of strange, but I think I needed the election to be over.  As much as I loved the campaign, as much as I love the people, as much as I miss it all, I think it all, in some metaphorical sense, kept me grounded in life before college.  It’s hard to explain.  I still love everyone; I still miss it all to some extent, but there’s just been something different about these past few days.

I’m not sure any of it has to do with the outcome of the election at all.  Yes, part of me is bummed Jack lost. I mean, I knew it was basically inevitable, and I know that what we were a part of this summer changed the face of SD politics.  But losing never gets easy. Granted, we didn’t lose everything.  It’s definitely awesome to be on a liberal campus where everyone has been celebrating since the AP called Montana and Virginia and since Rumsfeld resigned.  And my little color coded map of which counties voted down the abortion ban is very comforting.

Beyond all that, the rest of this week has just been different.  It’s hard to expalin, but I feel like college has really started.  I think part of it has to do with the fact that my friends saw who I really was on election day and found it highly endearing/amusing.  (They took very good care of me, followed my directions very well.)  But, for some reason things are just really falling into place now.  And maybe it just has to do with the fact that we’ve been here for over two months now.

For one thing, the orchestra concert last night was amazing.  Apparently, it was the best concert the Middlebuy Orchestra has ever given.  And the movie “Thank you for Smoking” is hilarious–especially since it tries to make fun of Vermont, but you’d have to live in Vermont to really get the jokes.

I had to select my courses for next semester, and in the process I realized that an English major isn’t what I really want to do.  I mean, I want to write, but I can do that with anything.  I’m now an International Studies major.  (Technically speaking, it’s a European studies major with an economics minor and a proficiency in Italian, all supplemented by an English minor.)  All it means is that I get to take an economics class, and English class, and an Italian class every semester and then get to choose amongst other awesome IS classes or random distribution requirements.  I’m excited.  On top of all this, I might be making waves.  Might.  We’ll see.  First, I have to finish my paper.  I’ll tell you later.  All I can say is, how could I have ever known Shakespeare and politics were going to change my life.

Have a good weekend!

OK, it’s only like 12:30 here and my friends can tell I’m distressed. They’re concerned. (I thought that being separated from everything for awhile would decrease the anxiety. I thought wrong.) Here’s my advice to them on how to deal with me/help me through today.

1) It’s not distress. It’s extreme anxiousness.
2) Let me have my internet (and, consequently, my laptop) .
3) Let me have my phone.
4) Don’t let me have highlighters.
5) Keep me away from TVs for as long as possible.
6) Make sure I eat.
7) Make sure I do some homework.
8 ) Force me to go to bed.
9) Don’t hold it against me if I forget to ask how your day was.
10) Throw things at me if I stop making sense. I can’t guarantee it will help, but it will make you feel better.

Let me have this one day to freak out and I promise by Wednesday, after some sleep, I’ll pull myself together and not wig out again until 2008. By the time it’s all over, you’ll love me more than you already do because you’ll have seen what I’m really made of.

There were so many things I had on my to do list this summer that I didn’t get accomplished.  I wanted to finish writing my novel, resume clarinet lessons (maybe play in municipal band), join a tennis league, make a dent in the list of must-read books I started my sophomore year.  But then I joined the Billion for Governor Campaign and that to-do list kind of fell apart.

I wouldn’t say I changed this summer, but rather, I came into myself.  I learned I could connect with people on a whole new level.  I learned I knew how to put my foot down and tell someone they were wrong.  I got used to conversing intellectually.  I experienced aspects of South Dakota I didn’t even know existed.  I made friends with people of all ages, some of which I will never forget.  There isn’t anyone I met this summer that I don’t want to see again.

My mom asked me this morning if I felt like I even had a summer.  I told her that this summer has been entirely different than any other summer I’ve experienced.  Did everything go right?  No.  Are there things I would change?  Yes.  Do I have any regrets?  Absolutely not.  If I made any mistake it was that I always saw an end.  I always thought everything was going to have to stop and I didn’t let myself get attached.  Maybe that was wrong and maybe I hurt some people.  But I knew leaving South Dakota was going to be hard enough, and I thought that by always being aware of the end, I’d make the leaving part easier.  I realized last night though that what I did this summer isn’t going to make leaving more or less difficult–I’ll still probably cry and that first week of school will be rough–but it will make the next four years mean that much more to me, because I really felt like I was a part of something this summer, something that is going to make a difference in the lives of many people.

This was an opportunity of a lifetime (I mean, I friggin wrote the campaign Health Care platform), and it was the perfect preparation for the phase of my life that begins next Wednesday.  No matter what happens in the next few years, I know I will always have the Campaign, the people from the Campaign, and the lessons I learned from the Campaign with me, because they made me a stronger, more driven person, and they are how I know I will be successful at Middlebury (oh, and add my family to that mix, too).

In other news:  I’m so glad that all my friends are loving school.  It’s weird being the only one left, but I’m so busy that I probably wouldn’t see them anyway. How did I get so busy?  I mean, I didn’t think I put anything off this summer, but suddenly, between packing and reading and shopping and seeing family and organizing and scheduling, I don’t think I’m going to have a minute to spare between now and when I leave on Tuesday.  But maybe that’s a good thing;  it leaves less time to think about the fact that I only have three nights left in my room.  Holy crap!  Only 3?  When did that happen?