I have this sudden obsession with Gothic novels. And not Frankenstein or Dracula, but their predecessors. They’re amazing! Plus, it’s an entire genre that deals with entirely messed up material and is not plagued by sequels or Disney. Anyway, my point is that, through researching the genre, I am convinced that we are living in an age where we may not read Gothic novels, but we live them. Take your basic Gothic stock characters (definitions courtesy of Wikipedia):
Tyrants = President Bush
- A single ruler holding vast, if not absolute, power through a state or in an organization
- Illegal seizure of power
- Has difficulty ensuring succession
Bandits = Oil CEOs/Barons
- Lives outside the law
Villains= Karl Rove
- Ugly
- Melodramatic
- The Bad Guy
Maniacs= Fox News
- Unusual thought patterns
- Hypersexuality
- Characterized by delusions and hallucinations
Persecuted Maidens = The Girls Scouts
- Young, nubile, virginal
- Helpless, naive
- Trapped by the monster/villian
- In need of a hero
- Wears ugly vests (OK, that one’s my addition)
Femme Fatale = Leslie Unruh
- Alluring and seductive woman
- Ensnares lovers in an irresitible bond of desire
- Leads lovers to compromising, dangerous and dealy situations
- Well endowed in beauty, charm and sexual allure
Madwoman = Ann Coulter
- “writer”
Vampire = IRS
- Corpse who feeds by draining blood from the living
Werewolf = Al Gore
- Hairy
- Cursed
- Closely allied with nature
Monster = Ted Klaudt
- Evil
- Grotesque
- Sadistic
Perambulating Skeletons = Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie
- Animated skeletons
- Controlled by another source
- Cannot make their own decisions
So you see? Our life in 2007 is just one big gothic novel, albeit one with horrendously appalling grammar. Basically, what we have to be telling our kids then is that the monsters have come out of the closet, ghost stories are true, and, if you believe in magic, anything can happen. And, like I said before, Gothic novels rarely have sequels, so perhaps this bodes will that what the Atlantic Monthly as officially deemed a “failed presidency” will fail and fade.
